After nearly 17 years of marriage, we have had our share of disagreements! I would love to say we always agreed and never got upset with each other. But that’s just not realistic. I hate calling them ‘fights’, because it never really felt like a fight to me! Just a disagreement.
When you bring two people together, both of whom have different personalities, backgrounds, emotional baggage, and interests, you are bound to have a disagreement from time to time.
What I can tell you, by the grace of God we have never slammed a door and walked off, we have never yelled at each other or physically hurt each other. But we can only have this testimony by the power of Christ.
When we disagree, I tend to retreat in silence. Thankfully, my man persistently draws me out. He tries to get me to talk about it. He could just say “oh well, I tried.” But he doesn’t. Instead, he says: “Are we going to allow Satan to get between us?”
That one phrase has been the saving grace for our marriage. It reminds me of the bigger picture, and how I should respond to temptation. It reminds me that Godly marriages will always be under attack from Satan, and I should not take things personal, but remember that it is Satan taking advantage of our human nature to try and separate us!
Over the years I have learned to not retreat – to talk instead. But it took me years to trust him enough – to trust our relationship enough – to talk my way through the problem, not just meekly agree OR silently retreat.
So, when we disagree, we talk. We keep our voices calm and respectful, and ask each other “is that what you meant?” and “this is how it sounds to me” and “Why do you feel that way?”
We do not allow something between us for long. We try to make peace as quickly as possible! We are not perfect, but we try every day to grow closer, more unified, more like Christ Jesus in our marriage.
If you humble yourself and admit when you are wrong, it will go far. When you have two such people, you can have a beautiful marriage! Humility is such a glorious thing. Pride is often – oh, so often! – the cause of our problems. It is what got Satan cast down from Heaven, and it will keep us from Heaven if we don’t deal mercilessly with it.
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