31 days to a better marriage – Introvert vs Extrovert.

introvert vs extrovert in marriage

There are many personality profiles and charts out there, but most of us fall into two broad categories: Introvert or extrovert. I am not a psychologist, but I personally believe we fall on one side or the other. It makes me chuckle when I hear someone say they are an “extroverted introvert”. What? That doesn’t even make sense, haha! Just say you are have some introvert qualities.

They say opposites attract; I guess that is why we tend to marry someone on the other side of the spectrum. This can bring frustration, when one partner wants to do stuff to relax, and the other wants to do nothing.

One wants to have guests over for dinner, and the other wants to relax with a book. (Or Netflix, who are we kidding?) When one wants to go to a touristy spot for vacation, and the other wants to go to a wilderness area. When one wants to be involved in every community activity, and the other just wants to write a check.

How do you handle these differences? 

Oddly enough, Cliff and I are both on the introvert side, but I am closer to the center mark, while he is a ‘true’ introvert. We both are recharged and renewed by time alone. Or time together but not talking. We both are drained by large groups and activities. Mentally drained. But while he is reluctant to speak in public, I actually can enjoy it. (in the right setting) While he doesn’t talk much till after breakfast, I wake up instantly alert, and ready to plunge into deep conversation. While he says very little, I talk non-stop. (again, in the right setting!) I talk loud and fast – he talks slow and quiet.

But what if we were completely opposite? 

I think the key in this is humility. First of all, recognize that neither of you are wrong. Your personality was created by God, and is not wrong. Your husband’s personality is not wrong, either! Just because he is different from you does not equal being wrong or less than.

You will need to compromise. Have a discussion about what things are important to you, and what is important to him. Decide where you can come to an agreement, so you don’t nag and pester him. (or be silently bitter at him, if you are an introvert)

And by the way, we rarely have a “let’s sit down and discuss this disagreement” moment in marriage. If there is something I want to discuss with Cliff, I pick a  time when we are both relaxed — not exhausted or sidetracked with something else. (ranch dates, y’all! Go ride with him while he checks water!) Then I say: “hey, I was wondering…” and go from there. A lot of tension and fighting in marriage can be avoided by your timing, tone of voice, and manner. Be wise.

Try to understand how it feels to be him. Explain to him how it feels to be you. You may be home all day and desperately needing some time alone (introvert) or conversation with your girlfriends (extrovert), so tell him you’d like a few hours now and then to get your words out! Or get some time alone recharging.  Maybe he needs some time alone after working with other people all day. Understand your needs and differences, and work with them.

Could you just write that check instead of buying the dinner seat? Then you could be supporting your cause while having a cozy date at home with your man! Could you go to a girls night out once in a while, and not force him along to a couples thing?

Never use your personality as a weapon or excuse. Always check yourself for attitudes and behaviors that are destructive to your marriage. Honor God in this area. Your natural tendencies need to be tempered by the power of God within you.

Today’s Challenge: Plan something you know your husband will enjoy. You don’t have to do it today, but plan it today. Write it on your calendar. Or maybe he has been wanting to do something that you have been resisting – surprise him by agreeing to it enthusiastically!

My husband loves a date night or special, fun snacks for a movie night at home. Maybe yours would like to go bowling or invite friends over. You know your man!

How are you enjoying this series so far? Comment and let me know!

Read the rest of the series HERE.

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