Tag Archives: christian life

Why the world needs more stay at home moms.

I thought I would share some January photos from around the ranch. It has been a lot milder winter than last year – so far! We haven’t had as many big blizzards, or the snowfall that we had last year. Hopefully we will get more snow. (wait, hold the phone!! ¬†did I just say that?! I must be turning into a real-deal ranchwife! More worried about grass than warmth. ūüėČ )

Anyways. Nothing too exciting going on around here. My husband feeds hay to the cows every day, and works on other projects around the ranch. Some days he goes to one of the other places to help work cows. (three ranches under the same corp) He has been working on some leather projects on the side. Gun leather, chaps, etc.

cows on a ranch under cloudy skies


I stay quite busy with all my projects. Helping the kids with school, cooking, housework, blogging, etc. Again, nothing too spectacular…

Or that’s what society would have us believe. But what I must remember, is underneath the sometimes boring exterior, there is a bigger purpose.

Our kids, our men, our communities need moms who work at home.

Moms who fry the eggs, scour the pans, teach kids how to clean up when they miss the toilet. We need moms who care more about their kids’ souls than their kids’ bank accounts. Who care more about serving their husband, than serving the idol of Self.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.  Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.  Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:27-30)

The world needs moms who stay home -- gray horse on winter prairie

Our communities need moms who stay home.

Our communities need moms who raise kids to be decent human beings. Kids who help the weak and elderly. Kids who shut up and listen when wisdom and age speaks. Kids who are strong when they are standing up against wrong, but humble enough to take correction.

Our communities need moms who do that.

Our COUNTRY needs moms to stay home. To stay home and soothe a foster child, because that’s what communities do. We ¬†jump in when there’s a need. Our country needs moms who raise leaders who have integrity. Leaders who watched their mom and dad lead the family with grace and humility.

(Can I get an amen on needing leaders with humility?!?!?)

“To be a mother is by no means second class. Men may have the authority in the home, but the women have the influence. The mother, more than the father, is the one who molds and shapes those little lives from day one.” ¬†~ John MacArthur

Our country needs moms who stay home -- icy river water

Our churches need moms to stay home.

We need moms who are there when we are sick. There to stir up a pot of chicken noodle soup and run to the store for Nyquil. We need moms who have weathered the storms of parenting and can teach the younger women how to do it too. (Without losing our ever-loving minds.)

We need moms who stay home and create a loving, peaceful home, so the younger wives can look on and learn. Our churches need moms to stay home and be ready with a casserole when someone dies. To have time to prepare a Sunday School lesson that speaks straight to the child’s heart. To have time to listen to a struggling sister. To invite the strangers into our homes.

Our country needs moms who stay home -- barn down snowy lane

Children need moms who stay home.

Moms who are there when they wake kinda grumpy from their nap, and need a snuggle on the rocking chair. Children need moms who teach them to cook, tuck them in at night, and laugh at their silly jokes.

Children need moms who are there every morning when they get up. Moms who sacrifice a few years to love and train their kids. Moms who play Memory with them and set up impromptu picnics in the backyard. Moms to teach them how to make a bed, wash their clothes, clean up after themselves, and eat proper meals. Moms who are not exhausted and stressed from their day jobs, but who can be relaxed and gentle.

Moms who stay home --haybale in field by mountain

Children need moms who are far more concerned with God’s opinion of them, than society’ opinion.

When will we stop marching to the tune of Hollywood and Women’s Day, and start opening our Bibles?

Let’s read what Scripture says, first of all. Let’s look at the Godly examples of women of the faith whose children ‘turned out’ to be passionate about Christ.

Moms who stay home -- mountain top covered in snow

 

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, ¬†to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” Titus 2:3-5

 

“When Eve was brought unto Adam, he became filled with the Holy Spirit, and gave her the most sanctified, the most glorious of appellations. He called her Eva, that is to say, the Mother of All. He did not style her wife, but simply mother, mother of all living creatures. In this consists the glory and the most precious ornament of woman.” ¬†– Martin Luther

 

Moms at home -- mountain barn

“Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children.” ¬†– Billy Graham

Are there exceptions? Of course. There are times and reasons that make it necessary for a mom of littles to go to work. In those cases, God gives the grace to cover the children.

Scripture doesn’t forbid mothers from working, so it is not sinful. But can you argue the idea, that it’s as beneficial for kids to be raised by daycare workers, or even loving Grandmas, than by their own mother?

I personally have seen what happened when my mother had to work. The home life took a hit! I remember wishing SO BADLY that my mom could just be at home. (at age 12)
I have also seen young men who grew up without a mother in the home. They had certainly missed that loving training of responsibility and diligence that a mom teaches her sons.

I think we can agree that moms are just ideal for caring for their own offspring!  Why then, the need to work?

Financial necessity at times. Personal goals. Perhaps boredom with repetitious household duties.

I can understand these reasonings. But I stand my ground that kids – especially young kids – need their mamas.

I don’t know your reasons for leaving your kids. I am not trying to guilt trip anyone! But I am saying: “Consider the good, consider the immense good that comes from a few long, hard years as a stay at home mom!”¬†

This is what I remind myself of, when I have boring or hard days at home. It’s like exercising: small daily acts add up to a huge reward.

But you have to do the daily, monotonous tasks to get there. You cannot take a pill to get fit, you cannot buy a program good enough to replace a mother’s presence.

Moms who stay home -- mountain and clouds

Stay warm and walk with Jesus.

Love,
Kay

10 New Year’s Resolutions For Christians.

10 New Years’ Resolutions for Christians.

I have been on and off about New Year’s Resolutions – first I said no. I mean, why bother when we can’t even keep them. Silly. ūüėČ

But then I discovered how much fun it is to sit down and make a plan or set a goal, and so I have made some New year’s Resolutions the past few years. I haven’t kept them all, but I don’t regret setting them. It’s like a quote I once read:


“Shoot for the moon and you will land among stars.” -Unknown

Last year I resolved to learn to rope. I didn’t do well at that, but I did learn to ride a lot better! I need more hours in the saddle before I am ready to handle a rope, too. And it was fun! This year – well, I have some goals and plans, but the most important one is not a cut-and-dried goal…

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My New Year’s Resolution is to be more present with my kids, make memories with them! To spend more time with my husband in his work. (we both enjoy that!) And to be more fully engaged with local Christians – fellowshipping, meeting, caring, spending time together. I hate how life has a way of just slipping along and before you know it, the year is gone and who did I actually take time to sit down and care about?! I want to change that.

10 New Year's Resolutions for Christians in 2018

On that note, I was thinking about New Year’s Resolutions that all Christians should make. It might make a good study for the month of January. Take 3 days on each point, study what God has to say on the subject. My words can be wrong – but God’s Word is never wrong! The Bible is always 100% relevant, applicable, and useful for our present situation.

10 New Year's Resolutions for Christians. #newyearsresolutions Click To Tweet


Be a peacemaker. 
Matthew 5:9¬†It is so easy to get worked up about things; people who wrong us, family drama, church drama, etc. But resolve to be the one who brings peace. Don’t spread the rumors, don’t listen to the stories, don’t join the clique. Be the one who initiates peace and unity.

Only do things that are pleasing to God.  John 8:30  Jesus made the statement that he only does those things that please the Father. He is our Older Brother and our perfect example Рso we too, should only do the things that please our Father. We are not saved and justified just so we can do whatever we like Рour salvation comes at a great price! Therefore, Paul tells us, you are not your own. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Always do the work of the Lord.¬†1 Corinthians 15:57-58¬†This old broken world makes it seem pointless to do good works. But it is not pointless. We need to keep on working, keep standing steady on God’s Word. Nothing done for Christ is lost.

Triumph in Christ.¬†¬†2¬†Corinthians¬†2:13¬†This is only possible¬†by the power of God’s Spirit within you. To triumph over depression, bad moods, grumpy attitudes, jealousy, selfishness – this is a bigger miracle than healing from sickness! Ask God to fill you with His Spirit, and walk in obedience and humility, and you will begin to triumph in Christ!

Die to self every day.>¬† 2 Corinthians 4:9-11¬†This is the secret to victory over sin. To die to self; all MY desires, MY will, MY plans – and offer myself as a sacrifice to God, daily. Dying to my need to be right, dying to my need to be respected, dying to my need for comfort… dying to ME daily. This is what ‘taking up my cross’ means. It’s not some woo-woo theory – it is painful, daily, death to self and all my flesh desires. Wanting to get back at someone who has hurt me, wanting to profit at someone else’s expense, thinking only of my own interests – these selfish desires and habits need to die, so I can be transformed to the image of Jesus Christ.

Walk by faith.¬†2 Corinthians 5:5-7¬†Faith that God’s Word is true. Faith that He will fulfill His Word. Faith that God will take care of me, also faith that He will punish sinners – like He said. Faith that He will guide me every day. Faith that if I live a life fully given to God, and walk by the power of the Spirit – everything I do will be rewarded by God. Maybe not in this life – maybe not physically – but rewards of an eternal nature.

Always be rejoicing in the Lord.¬†2 Corinthians 6:9-11¬† Life is often hard. Painful. Unexpected trials. But when we have the assurance of God’s love, we can rejoice in the midst of our trials, because we know that God uses everything in our lives to draw us closer to Him, and form us into the image of Christ. If we have this faith in our hearts, we can be like the apostles who sang hymns at midnight when they were in jail. Acts 16:25

10 New Year's Resolutions for Christians in 2018

Give thanks for everything. Ephesians 5:19-21¬†Again – we don’t feel like giving thanks in every circumstance! But here we can go back to giving our bodies as a living sacrifice; giving thanks whether we feel thankful or not! It doesn’t say: “give thanks of you feel thankful”, no, we need to give thanks – period. End of story. It is a command, and this is where we need to obey in faith. If you start giving thanks regularly, I bet you will start to have more peace in tough circumstances. It just works that way!

Let Christ be exalted in my body.¬†Philippians 1:19-21¬†We like to sing about giving it all for Jesus’, but when it comes to our¬†body and what we do with it – there we take a step backwards. We want to do things we want to do. We have freedom, right? But here’s the thing – when Jesus Christ redeemed us from the curse of death, he paid an immense price! So we should not take that lightly. Our eating habits, manner¬†of dress, how we care for our bodies – these things all need to be surrendered to jesus and His Lordship. I want my body to glorify Him this year.

Be humble.¬† 1 Peter 5:5¬†Humility is such a tricky thing, isn’t it? The thing I like to remind myself of, is that other people’s opinion is worthless to me. Only what God thinks of me, matters! Whether others think we are good, or whether they think we are bad – throw it into the trash! I only consider whether God is pleased with me.

“Do not desire to be the principal man in the church. Be lowly. Be humble. The best man in the church is the man who is willing to be a doormat for all to wipe their boots on, the brother who does not mind what happens to him at all, so long as God is glorified.” ¬†Charles Spurgeon

I hope this list of New Year’s resolutions for Christians has prodded your mind to think of what is truly important, what needs to come first in our lives. It surely has given me a lot to think about, as I looked up verses and reflected on these things. May God bless your new year, and may your life reflect His, in every way.

10 New Year's Resolutions for Christians in 2018

The Gift of Beauty.

Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.

The sun was setting in a cold February sky, sinking behind massive cloud banks to the southwest. The clouds were shades of blue and purple, surrounded with pink and gold and crimson. I turned and gazed at them as I rode along, my hands freezing cold inside the thin jersey gloves, my face icy in the wind.

It was my 14th birthday, and I was spending it in a dreary Midwestern winter, where the damp cold seeped into your very bones. I went to school in the morning, and there was singing and good wishes. But, as soon as I got home, I had to change into work clothes, saddle up my horse, and ride 3 miles to my dad’s sawmill to help him cut lumber.


I hated that sawmill, and never more than in cold weather. I was glad I had a horse to ride, (my begging had finally paid off) but the cold was just going clean through me, till I reached the sawmill.

Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.

The sawmill.

Several hours later, we had finished that load of pallet lumber and I climbed back on my horse and headed for home. As the sun set, those blue clouds looked for all the world like a mountain range off in the distance. I gazed at them, soaking in their beauty, thanking God for such a wonderful gift on my birthday! Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.

We were poor, and my birthday always fell in the winter when finances were especially tight. This year, mom either forgot about my birthday, or couldn’t squeeze any extra gift money out of her budget.

Anyway, she had a small pair of new sewing scissors that she’d bought for herself, but she wrapped them and gave them to me. I hated sewing, it gave me hot prickles on my neck! But I knew she wanted to give me something, and I appreciated the effort. I knew we couldn’t afford nice gifts. I used those scissors for over a decade, and thought of mom every time I snipped thread. :)

So, after a somewhat dreary birthday – this stunningly gorgeous sunset was a feast to my eyes. God knew I loved mountains! He understood my heart! He knew I wanted to live out West, and He ‘gave me’ some mountains on my birthday! I felt His love and kindness and understanding for me. I felt it deep in my soul. He cared about me! I rode the final mile in near-darkness, but the memory of that sunset has stuck with me for over 20 years.Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.

As a child, I felt misunderstood. I got angry because I felt like I couldn’t be heard. As I grew older, I tried explaining myself, ¬†but that didn’t help. I didn’t know how to communicate what I was feeling, without getting into trouble. It was very frustrating, and I lashed out in anger because of it. But there were times when I caught a glimpse of how God understood me. He understood my longings, my fears, my deepest desires. He understood how much I wanted to please Him, how much I wanted to be ‘good’, how I hated myself for my failures. No one else understood me – but God did.

Many times this glimpse of the Father’s heart came through beauty. Beautiful scenes, beautiful pictures, beautiful words, beautiful music. It was like He gave these lovely treasures – memories – that I could carry in my heart forever. I still can get teary about a beautiful piece of music, picture, or story.¬†Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.

This world is so broken, so ugly and messed up from sin. But God – our Father – He still loves beauty. He gives us these gorgeous gifts freely to enjoy. I encourage you to start noticing beauty. To begin accepting it as a gift from a loving Father.

God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world. Click To Tweet

God knows what kind of beauty your heart craves. Is it the sight of a perfectly conditioned cow? The gentle ripples in a pond? The mesmerizing flicker of a campfire, or the iridescent sheen on a trout? Does a soaring hawk give your soul wings? Does the sound of a harmonizing chorus make your heart want to burst?

Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.

Is it the dance of a cutting horse or the flashing of grouse on the wing? Maybe the lush green of a hay field ready to cut that makes you smile, or the sight of dewdrops on grass. Does the crash of ocean breakers make your heart thunder? Does the unexpected sight of a bright desert flower, or the grandeur of a black starry sky make your eye light up?Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.

Whatever makes you stop and smile – thank God for that gift. He is a good, good Father who loves to shower us with beauty and love. Let’s stop rushing through life and see the roses, at least.¬†Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.

The funny thing is, I now live by the mountains. Practically in them! I often stop and wonder how this is real?! This gorgeous place we call home. It may not be long-term (cowboys rarely stay one place for real long), but while we live here, I am thoroughly enjoying it.

I am overwhelmed with the beauty around here. I ride my horse through these mountain meadows and just get lost in the wild beauty. God has generously fulfilled my childhood desire to live ‘Out West’ and by the mountains. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any of the good things in my life. But God understands. He gives good gifts.¬†Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.

Lest you think: “how perfect your life is”, let me assure you that there are trials in every type of life. My floors get crunchy and my laundry piles up. Sometimes we have relationship issues we have to work through, and we aren’t gonna retire in Beverly Hills. (horrors!) But, we serve a good God, and if you open your eyes to His beauty all around you, you might start seeing how much He loves you!

Beauty is a gift from God. God uses beauty to soothe our souls from a sin-weary world.

My real life mountain! We live here. Pinch me!

31 days to a better marriage; Hormones and Women.

31 Days to a better marriage; Hormones and us

Do you ever feel like you are so OVER dealing with hormones?! You know how it is with hormones and women; first you get weepy and cry over spilled milk. But the next two days you are just mad as a cow who’s stuck in a bog! Your husband can’t do anything right – you become like your 6 year old who screams: “Mooomm!!! He’s looking at me!” If you are lucky, you may get one week of feeling somewhat normal, before starting the whole cycle over again.

Hormones and women, 2 tips to help pms

Cow stuck in a bog. (we got her out)

OK, so that may be an exaggeration. But you get my point. It is hard. Our hormones change all over the place, and these changes happen every month. Up and down and sideways, till we just want to curl up and sleep for a week. Maybe that is actually what we need.


Anyways, my point is, you KNOW that your cycle does crazy things to your feelings, so do not, I repeat: do not make big decisions on your crazy days. Don’t get all crazy because “he doesn’t really love me…” or “he never does so-and-so, he must not truly care about me…” ¬†Don’t go down that road! Chances are, he will seem totally lovable again in 2 days. And it is not fair to your man, to take out your physical problems on him.

Know your cycle. Track your symptoms for several months. See what days you feel cranky, and which you feel weepy. Keep track. Yes it is a pain, but it will help you tremendously to know what is coming – to know what to expect. You may feel like this is real, but then you look at your calendar and say; “you know what? maybe I’m overreacting.”

Take care of your health. It is your responsibility to take care of your health. Why should everyone around you suffer because you are too lazy to research what could help you? Or because you are too stingy to pay a few extra dollars per month for a product that would help. I am not a fan of drugs, for the record. I have found much better help in the natural remedies. But either way, try some things.

My best results have come from two things: Red Raspberry Tea and essential oils. I alternate them, some months taking tea daily, the next rubbing ClaryCalm‚ĄĘ on my abdomen. They both help a great deal! I found the tea helps more with cramping, and the oil helps more with mood swings. Try them both and see what helps you the most!

Ask God for help. We cannot separate our daily life from our spiritual one. Our holiness on Sunday is no higher than our holiness on Monday. Is your God bigger than your hormones? Do you use your hormones as an excuse to be crabby and unpleasant? While you get a handle on your health, you can still be Christ-like and kind. Ask God to fill you with his Spirit, to give you control over your emotions.

Yes, it can be tough. But think of it as a higher grade in school – once you pass the lower evel, then you move on to the higher grades. If you always stay in first grade, you will never go to college! But God wants us to grow and learn! Let’s not use physical problems as an excuse for our human nature. Pray for a sweet spirit when you are feeling yucky. Pray for wisdom in how you plan your days. Pray for wisdom to know how to treat your body.

Our holiness on Sunday is no greater than our holiness on Monday. Click To Tweet

Work with your body. Don’t plan too much on the days when you feel bad. (This is why you track your cycle) As much as possible, keep your schedule easy. Plan bigger things for those days you feel ‘normal’.¬†On the worst days, remind yourself that it is the hormones talking. Don’t do or say anything rash.¬†Don’t set up marriage counseling, or comment too much on social media. One snippy text when you are in ‘bad hormone mode’ can ruin a friendship. (related: don’t throw a friendship out the door from one snippy text. Maybe she was hormonal that day!!)

On the worst days, remind yourself that it is the hormones talking. Don't do or say anything rash.… Click To Tweet

Take naps, go to bed on time, eat more than chocolate and coffee. (raises hand) Sometimes I tell my man: “I am feeling emotional today – it will be better in a day or two. I’m sorry, it’s nothing to do with you!” That way he knows it is just hormones, and not to worry that I am losing my mind! Ha! That doesn’t give me excuse to be mean. It just helps him understand why I break into tears over a picture of a baby on facebook. ūüėÄ

Some folks find real relief from network-marketing type products. I have tried several, but the  only one that given me relief, is essential oils.
You can find those here —> ¬†Essential Oils.¬†

Homones and women, two home remedies to help with monthly cycle

And with red raspberry leaf tea (must be from the leaves, not the berries). I drink one cup a day and if I am faithful about that, it helps with cramping tremendously! You can find that here —> Red Raspberry Tea.


If you have found help with your monthly cycles, please comment and share with us what has helped you!

31 Days to a better Marriage: Teaching the kids respect.

31 days to a better marriage, teach the kids respect

One huge way to show your husband love – is to teach the kids to respect him. They pick up on your attitude and opinions, so if you are always respectful and loving – chances are they will be, too.

When they are small, make a big deal about Daddy coming home. Rush to the door with them to greet him. Let your husband know that you and the kids can’t wait till he gets home!


Give him special treatment sometimes. Or all the time! It is a sign of security – not submission – when a wife finds fulfillment in treating her man special because she loves him. Get the kids in on it by bring him hot drinks in the winter or cold ones in the summer. Make it an honor to do special things for him like cleaning out his truck or folding his clothes. Little kids enjoy doing special things for the people they love. This practice will help them see their dad as someone who needs to be respected. (for his position, if not his character)

As they get older, don’t ever talk disrespectfully about him whether he is present or absent. Kids naturally don’t like when someone speaks ill of their father – just like they naturally don’t like anyone to speak ill of their mother! Sometimes they will come to you with questions when you must tell the truth – don’t ever lie – but you can still be respectful.

“Yes, dad made that decision and we might not agree, but we still need to respect him. Sometimes we disagree, but God has placed Dad as the leader in this family, and we are going to honor him.”

Never fight in front of the kids. Always present a united front. If Dad tells them no, but they come to you – you say no too. It doesn’t matter if you disagree with your husband. You stand with him. You back him up. Let them know that you will enforce dad’s rules. You can discuss disagreements privately, later.

My kids know I am the pushover! (I’m not proud of that) So every once in a while they come to me. Sorry but no. If dad said no, then I say no too! It won’t hurt kids to be disappointed occasionally – but it may hurt them to have parents who are not united.

Respect your husband by teaching your kids to respect him. It may change your marriage!

Read the rest of the series HERE.

31 Days to a better marriage, No disrespect.

I have covered this topic throughout the series, but today I wanted to point out several specific ways that we disrespect our husbands – sometimes without knowing it! I have been guilty of some of these, sadly. I ask God often to show me where I can grow in respecting my man.

31 days to a better marriage; no disrespect,

  • Correcting him in public. There is a time to speak, and there is a time to be silent. When your husband is telling a story or recounting an experience, it is a time for you to be silent. Does it really matter if he said it happened in January, when it really happened in February? Does it really matter if your uncle Fred is 76 years old instead of 74? I cringe when a man is trying to tell some story but he can’t get through 2 sentences without his wife correcting some minuscule detail.¬†This is disrespect, ladies, and it needs to stop. Let him tell the story.
  • Telling him what to do. There is a fine line between asking for help and ordering him around. I am a firm believer in asking for help. But I am just as firm, that ordering your husband to do things is disrespectful. Let’s be careful of our tone of voice…

    “Her voice was ever gentle, low and soft, and excellent thing in woman.” Ma Ingalls, Little Town on the Prairie.

  • Never wanting intimacy. ¬†I know — your hormones are all over the place, you are drunk-tired, you are tired of little people touching, hugging, pulling at you all day long. But If you never want to get sexy in the bedroom – he will feel disrepected. I love this article from Sheila Gregoire. (my favorite resource on intimacy)

    “You know the things that drain you: talking to certain people, housework, running around after kids, paid work, chauffeuring, scheduling, all the things that go into a normal life. These things aren‚Äôt necessarily bad, but you need to figure out what also charges you…” Sheila Wray Gregoire

  • Don’t correct his parenting. It’s ok if the baby doesn’t get his hair washed with a special soap, or the diaper gets on backwards, or he lets them eat more sugar than you would. If he is helping you – be thankful. There is no reason to disrespect him because you are Type A or whatever. It is 100x better to have a loving, involved dad who feeds his kids sugar, than to have a absent dad. (research the crime rates in homes with no father) Besides, it smacks of pride to think your way is best! Let him parent how he wants. If it is a big issue – talk to him privately about it.
  • Thank him for providing for your family. If he is working, thank him! If you are also working, you still need to thank him. Remember the Golden Rule. Men like to be providers – let him know you appreciate it.
  • Get excited about his dreams, and help him pursue them! You may not be interested in tagging sharks off the coast of California, but if he is – learn a little bit about it! Help him research ¬†his dreams and encourage him. He will love you for it.
  • Take care of yourself, physically. Don’t ‘let yourself go’ because you have your man. Get dressed daily. Comb your hair. And by all means – take a shower daily!! (I won’t hear any excuses) I have raised 7 babies and moved 12 times and been sleep-deprived more than I would like to remember. But there are not many days when I didn’t get a shower. Please, for the love of your husband, take a shower! (3 kids under 3, anyone? been there)

This is not an exhaustive list, by any means. Feel free to comment with your ideas and tips on how we can show respect to our husbands.

Read the rest of the series HERE.

31 Days to a better marriage, No Tattling!

31 Days to a better marriage, no tattling.

No Tattling sounds a bit juvenile – I get it. But the problem remains, no matter what you call it. Are you telling your mom/sisters/friends about your husband’s weaknesses under the guise of humor? Maybe as a shared prayer request? Or just flat-out as griping?

This needs to stop.


There is simply no place in a Christian wife’s life for tattling on her husband. How would you like if he told his buddies how you spend too much money – and they all laughed about it? Or if he told his mom how you are such a terrible housekeeper and he never has clean socks?

You know, marriage is a good place for the Golden Rule.

“Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.” Luke 6:31

But he DOES treat me like this! He tells mean jokes about me to his buddies!” OK, that is a hard place to be. I get it. I have watched men do this to their wives, and it is NOT Christ-like. It is selfish and cruel. But as a Christian, you must treat him the same way you would any other sinner: with love and kindness, always desiring that he would come to repentance.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26

Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation. 1 Peter 2:12

They (believers) must not slander anyone and must avoid quarreling. Instead, they should be gentle and show true humility to everyone. Titus 3:2

This is the part of the gospel no one wants to face: death to self. Because death is unpleasant! But if we say we believe the Bible, and we say we are obedient to Christ – then we need to treat everyone with kindness and not gossip. No tattling. No carrying grievances to your buddies. Even if he does. I like how Elizabeth George says, in her wonderful book to wives:

Your goal as a Wife after God’s Own Heart is to help, heal, and to minister to your husband with your words–not to slash and slice him to pieces.Your rash words can resemble the thrusts of a sword, or they can disperse refreshment that promotes health, edifies, encourages, and delivers grace to your husband. (Ephesians 4:29) -from A Wife After God’s Own Heart

What to do if you have a disagreement? I always, always advocate for prayer first. Pray fervently, daily. God and the Holy Spirit can do far more than your nagging and complaining. Yes, there is a time and place for getting outside help. But just the piddly little stuff that irritates you? Nope. Don’t go throwing him under the bus to your mom. No tattling.

Read the rest of the series HERE.

31 days to a better marriage, not allowing things to build up between you.

31 days to a better marriage; not allowing things to build up between you.

You know that you shouldn’t allow things to build up between you, but then you get in a fight disagreement, and you just want peace, or sleep, or your own way, or maybe life is so crazy-busy that you just don’t take time to talk things through.

First thing you know – a bit of coldness toward your husband is creeping into your heart. Not anger. Not bitterness. Just a general ‘meh’. Maybe the two of you disagreed about something that you can’t get past. If you disagree on principles and values, it is really hard to get past that.


Maybe you think: “It’s not a big deal, I should just get over it!” You stuff it, or you try to forget it. But once there is something you refuse to work through – soon there is more. I have found that talking about stuff is the key to keeping communication open. You may never agree on a certain issue. But you can have a peaceful, loving marriage despite that.

It’s like a brick wall – I am sure you’ve heard this comparison before – one brick is not a big deal, but soon it’s a wall a mile high. Then it is next to impossible to move! So don’t allow even one brick between you! You may have to compromise, you may have to die to self, you may need to explain yourself better. But keep working at communication.

My husband and I have worked through some pretty big disagreements. Do we see everything 100% the same way? Nope. We are human, with different backgrounds, different personalities, different stories. But we follow the same Jesus. We read the same Bible. And we both want a Godly friendship-love. So we talk. We hash things out. In the end, though, I believe the Scripture that says:

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ¬†For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-25

So keep working at your communication, my friends. Keep things clear and open between you. Will this matter in 100 years? If the answer is no, then just let it go. :)

Read the rest of the series HERE.

31 Days to a better marriage; Technology.

31 Days to a better marriage, Technology

Technology is one of those things with which I have a have a love/hate relationship. I mean, obviously technology makes my life so easy, and helps me so much! But then, it also can be distracting and frustrating(!!) and get in the way of real relationships.

You’ve heard the jokes about wives who run up credit debt online, or husbands who play video games all the time. Sadly, this is all too common. Now, we have the smartphones to add to the mix; we can buy and play with a swipe of our thumb.


It is easy – far too easy – to live virtual lives instead of real ones. To chat with a friend 1,000 miles away, instead of talking to the person we are sitting next to on the couch. To share our beliefs and the Gospel with someone in a different state instead of with our neighbor. ¬†To invite friends to online ‘parties’ instead of inviting them over for coffee.

What does this mean in the context of marriage?

We need to remember that first; this is the world we live in. You ain’t gonna change it, friend. Nobody is going back to 1988. (except a few preppers, maybe) This is our new world. Don’t mourn and fuss and whine about the good old days. That’s what my grandpa said, too, and he farmed with horses till 1960! (or somewhere around there) I mean, there’s a place for old-fashioned things and simplicity, I agree. But there’s a point…

Second, technology can be a real blessing! You can read blogs on marriage ūüėČ , get financial tools, ¬†find jobs, find date ideas and places to stay. You can learn a new skill. You can watch movies. You can listen to sermons and find Bible studies. So many good things to do with technology.

OK, but is it a blessing or a curse in marriage?

Satan wants to bring it between us. He wants to make it a curse. He is a cunning enemy who wants to make us fight and fuss. HE wants to tear us apart any way he can! Technology can certainly do that. But God wants to make it a blessing. We have the same Saviour in 2017 as we had in 1988. We can allow Satan to use technology to come between us, or we can allow God to make it a blessing.

This obviously takes two people to agree that you will not allow Satan to get a foothold. Two people who agree to put their relationship first, and technology second. Maybe you don’t actually ‘sit down and talk about it’, per se. We haven’t. But when technology (usually our phone usage) bothers one of us, we tell each other in a kind, respectful way. I’m not saying we are perfect in this area, but we are learning and growing.

We give each other our full attention when we talk to each other. We don’t interrupt each other when we are busy with something online. We give grace when one or the other spends extra time online or watching a riveting movie series. Again, we’re not yet perfect, but we try.

Remember the good old days where everyone ignored each other with books and newspapers? ūüėÄ Yeah, that wasn’t much better. I know technology has overrun our lives, but we can control it, by the power of the Holy Spirit in us. Just like alcohol or food, it can become an addiction that needs broken. But in the right place, it can be a blessing!

31 days to a better marriage, technology

Texts to each other: flirty, encouraging, loving.¬†Encouraging websites, sermons online, even games to play together. Music. Sending pictures of the kids. Skype. I’m sure you can think of more!

Remember; Satan wants to tear you apart in any way he can. Jesus wants to bring you together. Technology is just a tool. Don’t be a slave to it, don’t allow it to control you. Embrace the good in it, be thankful for the good points.

If your husband suggests that you are using it wrongly; listen to him. If he is using it too much, lovingly discuss it with him. Pray about it. But don’t allow Satan to use technology to tear you apart.

Read the rest of the series HERE. 

31 Days to a better marriage; Romance vs. Love.

31 days to a better marriage; romance vs love

When we think of romance, we might picture roses, candles, rooftop dates under the stars, walking hand-in-hand through falling leaves, cozy evenings by a crackling fire…

We forget, sometimes, that romance is wildly overrated. That love is what we need most in our days. Love that steps over the scattered toys without complaining, love that says: “stay in bed, I’ll eat cereal”, love that holds you when you are sad, love that eats leftovers for days, love that brings home chocolate for those hard days.

Romance is the feeling of excitement and mystery surrounding love. (Webster)


I love romance! It is fun, and keeps our marriage interesting. But dear sister, please don’t expect your married life to be full of mysterious excitement! Many days will come and go with no rooftop dinners, no relaxing walks in nature, no wine and chocolate. There may be no money for date night, and there will be kids who want to go on that walk with you.

But there will be love. And love wins over romance any day, in my book. Don’t take that love for granted. Don’t miss the romance of a husband who knows what kind of treat to bring you after a hard day. Don’t miss the magical moments of watching a sunrise from your kitchen window together, no words needed. (You haven’t tried that? You need to. ūüėČ )

Romance is beautiful and there is a place for it, definitely. But the longer we are married, the more I realize that love is pretty romantic, after all.

Read the rest of the series HERE.