Tag Archives: faith

My Journey of Faith, part 2.

my-journey-of-faith-2

My family moved a lot. In the years when I was 11-14, we lived in 3 different states for seasonal work, and 3-4 additional states for various other church or work-related reasons. So we weren’t in a ‘settled’ church. Mom asked me if I understood baptism, and she gave me a couple verses to look up in my Bible. I did look them up, and got excited about it. But there was still that issue of a church…

In the Mennonite church that we were part of, a person who got saved was expected to go through 6 months of ‘instruction class’ (where you were taught all the Mennonite doctines and church rules), then be baptized, and be taken into the church as a member. This structure was quite rigid; you couldn’t just be baptized without the 6 months instruction, and yet as a Mennonite, you wouldn’t be welcome if you went to a different church to be baptized. So I waited.

When I was 14, we were attending a small church in Oklahoma. It was made up of several families who had broke away from the Mennonites, and a few other christian families needing fellowship. We attended that church for about 6 -8 months, I guess. The first few weeks we lived in our fifth-wheel camper while we fixed up a dilapidated old house.

Dad had stripped the carpet and couch out of the back of the camper, and put a small woodstove in the middle. The floor was unfinished wood, and the six of us sat scrunched around that stove during the cold winter weather, pulling our folding chairs as close as we could without burning our shoes. I don’t remember where the chimney went… I guess Dad must’ve cut a hole in the roof to stick it out.

Anyways.

I remember Dad trying his best to get us kids to join in on family worship. He would read a passage of Scripture, and expound on it awhile, then ask us our thoughts. There were four of us girls at home at this time. All four of our brothers were out and about on their own. And us girls were used to our brothers and Dad loudly discussing ideas and thoughts. We scarcely knew how  to discuss Scripture, and we weren’t interested in discussing it with Dad and Mom. We just wanted to get family worship over with! So Dad got discouraged and finally stopped trying. (Shame on us kids!)

But the thing about this church was; they all seemed excited about God. I could see why Dad was drawn to them. It was a very young church, maybe 1 year old? And everyone was on fire for God. They were trying out new ideas and sharing God’s love and God’s dealings in their lives. They genuinely loved the Lord! We were only there several weeks when two of the young men were baptized. I stood on the riverbank and sang joyously with this new group of believers, resolving to be the next one in the river.

I told my parents that I wished to be baptized. Dad was happy. Mom was hesitant, but she also agreed. We talked to the preacher. He asked me and my parents to come over one evening to discuss it. He read some verses, and asked me to read some verses. While reading my verse, I mispronounced the word: vehemently. He gently corrected me, but I was mortified! I have never appreciated ‘grammar nazi’s’ since. 😀 We discussed my salvation, and I was nervous because I didn’t have a ‘grand’ salvation story, nothing real dramatic, and I stammered around, unsure how to say what I meant. But he was kind, and didn’t mind that I was nervous to the point of being unable to speak.

The next Sunday after service, the whole church drove down to the river again. Dressed in white, but wearing my secondhand rose-colored coat, I walked out into that muddy Cimarron river. It was cold enough to take your breath away, but I didn’t care! My teeth chattered as I answered his questions, but  I couldn’t stop smiling! As I came out of the water, the church family standing on the river bank broke into song: “Oh happy day, that fixed my choice! On thee, my Saviour, and my God!”

Image courtesy of Britannica

Cimarron River, Image courtesy of Britannica

Being baptized was a special experience for me. It was a public way to show my sincere love and commitment to Jesus Christ. I was taking my stand with Him, and telling the whole world that I was a child of God.

“Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.” Romans 6:4

But I still did not understand how to gain victory over sin. My life was beset with lying, despair, temper fits, and unkindness. I had a sharp tongue and was not slow to use it. I tried – oh I tried! I hated myself. I felt so guilty for being such a mean person. But I was powerless. I listened in church, and yet never heard the answer I needed.

We soon moved on from that church, back to a Mennonite church in Illinois.
See, when I was six years old, we moved to this small country church in Illinois. We had moved away and then back to it many times. We lived in 7  different houses in that community, and one of the houses we moved in and out of, several times! My dad saw inconsistencies in the Mennonite church, but Mom grew up Amish, so Mennonites – to her – seemed like a good place to be. The inconsistencies that Dad noticed, she was ok with, since to her – it was just a chosen lifestyle.

Well, this church was one of the most caring churches that I have been to. They loved my dad and our whole family. And even though they would’ve loved for us to all be members and stay there, they didn’t pressure us, and always welcomed us back with open arms. Even after I was baptized in a non-Mennonite church, they welcomed me into the church later that year.

So when my friends were baptized and taken into the church, I sat beside them and was given the ‘right hand of the fellowship’ into the Mennonite church as a member. I thought that since I was baptized, and a church member, I would surely become more holy.

But it didn’t work that way. I still could not gain victory over my sins. I fell daily into anger, jealousy, unkindness, lying. I contemplated giving up. As our home and family situation deteriorated, I seriously considered running away. I thought about leaving the church behind and just living how I wanted! But two things held me back:

1 My mother had instilled a proper fear of God in me, from a child on her knee. I knew that I could run but I couldn’t hide from Almighty God.

2 My brothers loved me, and I couldn’t run away from home and ever be able to face them again. I just couldn’t. So I stayed home. I would rather be miserable than to disappoint them. They were my heroes.

So there I was. Stuck in the same frustrating circle of sins. I just wanted to know how to get out!

...Stay tuned for next week! Victory is coming! :)

Ohiopyle falls

O happy day that fixed my choice
On Thee, my Savior and my God!
Well may this glowing heart rejoice,
And tell its raptures all abroad.

Happy day, happy day,
When Jesus washed my sins away!
He taught me how to watch and pray,
And live rejoicing every day;
Happy day, happy day,
When Jesus washed my sins away!

’Tis done—the great transaction’s done;
I am my Lord’s, and He is mine;
He drew me and I followed on,
Rejoiced to own the call divine.

Now rest, my long-divided heart,
Fixed on this blissful center, rest;
Here have I found a nobler part,
Here heav’nly pleasures fill my breast.

High heav’n that hears the solemn vow,
That vow renewed shall daily hear!
Till in life’s latest hour I bow,
And bless, in death, a bond so dear.

Philip Doddridge, 1700’s

If you missed the first post, you can find it here:
My Journey of Faith part 1

My Journey of Faith, part 1.

 

My Journey Of Faith Part 1

Even children are known by the way they act,
whether their conduct is pure, and whether it is right.
Proverbs 20:11


It all started when I was a child of nine. I grew up in a Christian family, we went to Wednesday evening prayer meetings, revival meetings, and to church twice on Sunday. I was told Bible stories from the time I was a small child on my mother’s lap. But when I was about nine, I heard a preacher talk about salvation. Now, I knew what salvation meant: Jesus died on the cross to save us from sin, and if we confess our sin, He would forgive us. Then we go to Heaven when we die. That was the Gospel I knew. So after hearing this preacher tell us how the ‘grass looks greener, and the sky looks bluer” after you get saved, well! I was up for that! Besides, I was old enough to start feeling a twinge of guilt and worry about the eternal destination of my soul.

So when I got home, I prayed a simple prayer. I asked God to forgive my sin and save me. I was a bit fuzzy on the details, but that was the best I knew how. Sadly, I didn’t have a good enough relationship with my parents to go talk to them about it. In hindsight, they would have loved it if I had. But I was pretty intimidated by them, and so I handled it the only way I knew.

I wrote them a note.

A note! And stuck it on the mirror where mom would be sure to see it. If I remember correctly, It said “I am trying to be a Christian.

Mom came to me, note in hand, and asked what I meant by that? I thought it was pretty clear, but I said, somewhat defensively; “Just what it says! I am trying to be a Christian!”

“OK,” Mom said. “But you can’t just ‘try’ to be a Christian, either you are or you aren’t.”

” I am.” I said flatly. I was embarrassed, unsure of myself, and desperately wanting to save face. (Oh, how quickly that religious front presents itself!)

Mom didn’t make much about it. She just started making plans with the local church seamstress to have me fitted with a prayer head-covering. (We were part of a Mennonite church, and when a girl was saved, she started wearing a head-covering immediately. It was a special cap that was hard to sew, and usually there was a seamstress or two in each church, who made them for all the ladies for a small fee.)

I was so happy. As soon as I put on a head-covering, I was accepted with gladness into the circle of saved girls. But, I was only happy because I was accepted as part of the ‘good‘ group of girls. My inner life was no different. I was no kinder, no more obedient to my parents. But because I had publicly committed, I tried very hard to control my actions. I failed – miserably. Again and again. And to my great dissapointment, the grass and sky looked exactly the same as before. I felt betrayed. Maybe I didn’t do it right?

So, I tried again. Several months later, I prayed:
“God, please save me! That last time wasn’t really right – but I really mean it this time!”
And a few weeks later, when it was obvious that my self-control was no better, I would pray again: “THIS time I am serious, forget the other times, God, THIS time I really mean it! I want to serve you!”

Oh the agony of always feeling guilty, but not knowing how to get relief! You may chuckle, and it is kind of funny now, but at the time, I was completely serious. Even at age 9 and 10, a child can feel so burdened by the knowledge of their sinfulness, that they cannot rest.

After about a year of this, I was at another revival meeting. This time it was at a small country church in the snowy mountains of northern Idaho. This preacher explained salvation in such a clear way, that I finally was able to understand it completely. I went home and poured out my heart to my Father, and for the first time, felt like I was heard. I had peace. I knew I was a child of God.

I was almost 11.

My struggle with sin was not over though.

Come back next week to read more! :)

One simple way to increase your faith.

For in it is revealed God’s righteousness from faith to faith. As it is written, “But the righteous shall live by faith.” Romans 1:17

increase-faith

Do you ever struggle to increase in faith? Does it seem that you just can’t get your eyes off the issue at hand, and truly have faith in God? Faith that He loves you, faith that He plans for you in love, faith that he is who he says he is.

There is one simple way to increase your faith.
Reading God’s Word. So simple, right? Yet such a struggle for most of us. My husband recently said: “The fact that it’s such a struggle to take time to read the Bible, shows how important it must be.”
Yes! If it were not important, Satan woudn’t care if we read it all day long! But the fact is; it IS important, so Satan makes sure we are too busy, get sidetracked, or just plain forget. I know, because I have been there myself. But, don’t be discouraged – rather, make it your ambition to begin reading the Bible regularly.

So faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Romans 10:17

Reading the Bible reminds me of God’s sovereignty. I see how God protected his children through thousands of years. I see his righteous judgement on evil, and his reward on the righteous.  I see the magnificent plan that began in Creation, and continues to this day. I see my place in the scheme of things, and how much God loves me, to send his Son to die for me. It reminds me of all the ways that God is perfectly loving and perfectly holy. That increases my faith in him!

One way to read more, is to have an easy place to look up verses when you are online. BibleVerses.com is a good resource. You can click on various topics, such as friendship, worry, hope, marriage, forgiveness. They also have short blog posts that are encouraging, if you just want a quick devotional.

Here are some more verses on faith: Faith

Fall Works and Fellowship.

fall-worksThe past few weeks have been busy with shipping calves and preg-testing the cows. We were blessed with warm, lovely weather. November is not normally this beautiful in Wyoming, so we are thankful for every sunny, warm day!

I cooked for the crew when they were working here, then went over to the boss’ place and helped with lunch when the crew was over there. Well, the boss’ wife did most of the cooking – I mostly just talked. 😀 It’s good to get together with other ranch wives, though.

shipping

shipping

shipping

This week we drove to our neighbors’ Bible study on Wednesday evening. Everyone brought a pot of soup or a salad, and we shared God’s Word over home-cooked food.

There is something special about fellowshipping over food. Sharing stories and doing life together. Laughing and eating and praying together. We read of Jesus often sharing stories and teaching around meals. He knew that eating together is a great way to be informal and relaxed.

We don’t sit down to eat with our enemies. We eat with our friends. We relax and start to open up to each other when we are seated around a table. We love Thanksgiving and Easter and Christmas in part because of the warm friendship and family times we have around good food.

shipping

shippingshipping

We drove over to our friends’ house and brought food, but they had to be willing to open their home, so we could all join in. Someone had to send that invite, make the calls, prepare food, sweep the floor, tidy the bathroom, you know — get ready for guests. No, it wasn’t fancy, (thank goodness!) it was a homey and inviting place, there was a stack of paper plates and a table loaded with help-yourself food, but the fellowship was heart-warmng. There was no stiffness or awkwardness, just simple food and warm smiles and genuine hospitality.

shipping

But someone had to open their home. We wait and wait for someone else to invite us, to organize something, to fill that need in our lives. We need to open our homes. To stop waiting for someone else to initiate and just be a friend. Invite someone over for lunch. Don’t worry if you aren’t a ‘hostess type’. Just do it. Everyone needs friends and fellowship, someone to do life with. Someone to listen and understand and say: “me too”.  Just text a few friends and say “hey, want to come over tomorrow night for tacos?” Don’t stress over ‘hostessing’, just invite friends into  your life. Open up your heart and your home, and be real.

What would happen if we all started reaching out on a regular basis? It doesn’t have to be a bible study – it can be supper. Or lunch. Or tea. Whatever you do – do that. Stop waiting on the others, and start being a blessing to those in your area.

shipping

The Great Battle Against Self.

the great battle against self

Hey mom-friends, I have some real-talk today. I want to say it real slow, so you don’t miss any of it. Lean in and listen, ok? It’s important. It has to do with your perception of me. You might look at my online life and say ‘wow! she takes pictures, has a blog, cooks, home-schools, etc. She must be so talented!‘ I’ve heard that before. And it makes me smile because it’s nice to get compliments. I enjoy cooking, photography, homemaking stuff, and all that.  But inside I cringe. Because I am not perfect. I struggle daily with my old enemy: SELF.

I want to be kind; self wants to lash out.
I want to be hospitable; self wants to lock the door.
I want to be loving; self wants to ignore.
I want to be forgiving; self wants to relive the pain.
I want to be cheerful; self wants to be gloomy.
I want to be a prayer warrior; self wants to hit snooze.

The great battle of this Christian life is not physical, but spiritual. My spirit, warring with my Self. War is not fun. It is ugly and there are casualties. Often, I am left bleeding and wounded after a battle. I lay there minute, gasping for air, getting my breath back, so I can crawl to my feet again and face another round. It’s not easy, this fighting and struggling. It’s hard.

The one thing that makes it easier?
Don’t feed the enemy. Self gets weaker if you never feed her! Don’t allow self to feed on
vengeful thoughts,
gloomy thoughts,
resentful thoughts,
lazy thoughts.

You know that saying: “You can’t keep a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from building a nest in your hair“?

It’s the same way with sinful or self-pleasing thoughts. They may pop into your head, but you – and you alone – can choose to kick them out. Yes, they will pop into your head multiple times per day. Maybe several times an hour. Maybe you have to literally get up and do something else to get your mind re-routed and stop the thoughts. But stop them! Don’t be distressed because you keep having sinful thoughts; be distressed because you keep allowing them to stay. As long as you are fighting, you are alive, spiritually.

Of course, the staying power in the Christian life is the Holy Spirit, living in us. By His power alone can we overcome sin. Ask Him to fill you. Ask Him to empower you. Don’t settle for a common life. Reach for the Overcoming Life where you live in victory over sin. Don’t think that it can’t be done — just because you haven’t done it, and you don’t know anyone who has.

I have never climbed Mt. Everest and I can say with some assurance that I never will. 😉 I don’t even personally know anyone who has climbed it! But I believe it can be done. I believe even I could,  if I had a desire to, and trained myself. It would be foolishness to say that it can’t be done, just because neither I nor my friends have accomplished it.The Great Battle against self, and scaling mountains

The same goes for overcoming sin. Not all at once, not all in one day. But one stronghold after another – just like the Israelites laid waste to the giants and strongholds in the  Promised Land. The power comes from the Holy Spirit. The weapon is the Sword of the Spirit. (The Bible, God’s Word) Your protection is the armor of God: “having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,  and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Ephesians 6:14-17

We are weak because we indulge our flesh — we give in to our earthly desires and passions. We need to get serious about overcoming sin, about dying to self – then we will grow. God wants us to grow and overcome, much more than we ourselves want it! Have faith. Believe that He is ready to help, willing to help, and eager to empower us!

The hurting among us.

fern

“I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”   ― C.S. Lewis

 

“I had no idea!”
“You never said anything!”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know. I can talk, alright. I talk too much, in my opinion. I say exactly what I think and why. I speak too quickly, too harshly, and all at full volume.

But.

When I am hurting, I don’t say much. (when I am hurt – then I often say something, regrettably) But when the pain is heart-wrenching and deep, when I cry myself to sleep from the pain, those hurts are hard to get out. I stuff them. Bury them under a breezy manner and quick smiles.

I bet you do it too. You feel scared. What people will think, or worse, what they will say. That must be where it starts – this fear of showing our hurts. We tried, when we were younger and full of trust. We shared, and they were not gentle with us. So we learned to stuff it. To hide it well.  Much too well. woodland fern

-If you knew that woman sitting next to you in church just experienced a miscarriage, you would stop judging her for missing 3 Sundays in a row. You might even hug her.

-if you knew that man ahead of you in the checkout line was still in shock over his wife leaving him – you would stop despising his unkempt appearance. You might even pray for him.

-If you knew that awkward girl was trying to recover from sexual abuse, you would stop telling people how ‘pathetic’ she is. You might even take her out for a meal.

-If you knew that person in the car ahead of you was crying from the pain of losing his child, you would not yell at him for driving so slowly. You might even cry too.

No, we do not judge and despise people when they are going through deep hurts. We sympathize. We are understanding and patient. The problem comes when we don’t know. We assume they are on the same busy path through life that we are following. We only see the tip of the iceberg, and like the Titanic – we don’t see the gigantic pain just under the surface.

See, most people don’t purposely add hurt to hurt. (some do, I’m not talking of those wretched people) Mostly, we try to sympathize and help each other. But still, we don’t share. It’s too private. The hurt is too raw, and besides, how and when and why do you even share how it feels to cry yourself to sleep over a pain that is 10 years old? 20 years old?  Isn’t there a statute of limitations on how long you’re allowed to grieve? Aren’t you supposed to ‘heal’ from childhood abuse, and get over it? “She wasn’t good enough for you anyways! Better fish in the sea!

No, my friend.

To you who are sad. Hurt. Grieving. It’s OK. Be happy if you can, grieve when you need to, feel the hurt when it comes. If you can find 1 or 2 strong and true friends who can handle your pain – that is ideal. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through some of my deep sorrows in life, were it not for my faithful few friends.  Although, there comes a point when only God can comfort you. Only He knows your heart without words. He understands! Don’t hesitate to run to Him with your pain.

To you who are not in a season of sorrow or loss; be aware. Don’t be too quick to judge someone, especially someone you are not very close to. They likely haven’t told you that their job is unbearable, or their health is poor, or their favorite uncle just died. Be sensitive to everyone. Assume that there is more to their story than they’re telling you. Be merciful.

 

Christians are killing each other.

Christians are killing each otherIf you are on social media these days, you will notice a theme; Christians are angry with each other. Of course, unsaved people are angry too, but that is to be expected. They don’t have the claim of a godly life or the power of a resurrected Christ. Christians – we are held to a higher standard. This election cycle has brought out The Worst in people.

Here is a typical scene I have noticed multiple times in the past few weeks:
First Christian posts something political.
Another Christian comments with a different viewpoint.
First Christian gets angry.
Commenter gets angry.
Sneering, condescension, and bitter words follow.

This has been making me so sad the past few months. Which is good, I guess, in a way, for it has driven me to pray for my brothers and sisters in the Lord more than previously. And anything that drives me to my knees has some purpose.

You know, in Matthew 5, it says this:
“You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.

Whoa. That is strong language! When we are angry with our brother, it’s the same as if we murder them!  This is not a popular Scripture passage, I know. But there it is. You can believe the whole Bible, or you can chop out the parts you don’t like.
This is a serious issue.
Murder.
Killing.
Think about it.
Would you get a gun and walk over to your brother and shoot him in the head? Of course not! Yet you blast out angry words right into his face and not even feel guilty.

What a huge deception Satan has spawned! He has duped us into thinking we can be angry, sneering and contemptuous to each other, and somehow God is going to wink at it.

For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another. 16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. Galatians 5:14

The desire of the flesh includes wanting to be right, wanting others to acknowledge that we are right, and wanting to be superior.
If we walk by the Spirit, we will have our eyes fixed on Jesus, and not on each other.

The elections have really brought out the ugly in Christians. Normally sweet, generous, loving people are now angry, judging, and name-calling. Their anxiety about future events and possibilities have blinded them to the wonderful kindness and great Sovereignty of God. It is under stress and in scary times that the hidden things of our hearts are displayed for all to see. What is in our heart will come out.

I challenge all of us to check our hearts. Are we worried? Fearful? Are we easily angered and frustrated with our brothers and sisters in Christ for their differing opinions? Do we still see them as brothers and sisters? I am convinced there will be liberals, conservatives, democrats, republicans, and libertarians in Heaven. One type of political view does not have priority over another. Only individual hearts and lives.

And you know, we aren’t even citizens of this country! (Ouch! I felt that dirty look you just gave me!)

For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; Philippians 3:20

I love our country. I have the highest respect and honor for the heroes fighting to protect us, and for the many, many lives given for our freedom. But I am not first an American. I am first a Christian. My allegiance is first and foremost in Heaven, with my Father. He is the one who Created me, His Son saved me from eternal hell, and His Holy Spirit lives within me, empowering me to live victorious by God’s grace.

So when God gives a command, it supersedes the earthly commands. And God has clearly commanded us to love one another and stop being angry with each other. Our fellow countrymen would have us believe that ALL must be sacrificed for the sake of a better USA.
I believe ALL must be sacrificed for fellowship with God our Father, and for His children. That includes sacrificing my need to be right.

Sure, I have posted a few things about the elections, I have commented on a couple posts, (and regretted it a few times) and I do have an opinion on it all. But I want to promote fellowship with my family in Christ – not hard feelings. I never want to be condescending or sneer at them because they feel differently. I don’t want to be in danger of hell fire because I was angry with my brother. Totally not worth it!

So tell me, have you seen this trend of anger among Christians?

The myth of sleeping when baby sleeps.


 

The myth of sleeping when baby sleeps

You’ve all heard it: “Sleep when your baby sleeps”, but really? Have they actually tried running a household while sleeping when baby sleeps? I mean, the baby is awake for the grand total of 1.5 hours, and 97.2 percent of that time is consumed with changing their diaper, feeding them, and trying to get them back to sleep. In the approximately 3 minutes remaining, it is pretty hard to make a meal, launder grungy clothes, clean the bathroom, and comb your hair. Let alone get the nail polish out of the carpet in your toddler’s bedroom, or actually eat a meal.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me who never outgrew their dislike for childhood naps. Or maybe it’s because every time I decide to be good and lay down for a nap – that’s when my 3 year old decides to wake up early from her nap, or my 6 year old feels its an appropriate time to start screeching “NOT FAIR!!” at her brother (who made sure I was drifting off to sleep before starting to teasing her).
Perhaps I am the only one who has no ‘off’ knob on my brain – and as soon as I lay down in a (relatively) quiet spot for 3 seconds, my brain thinks it’s a perfect time to remind me of that closet that needs organized, and that gunky stuff I saw this morning in the fridge, and did I remember to send the car payment or am I gonna wake up from my nap with no car in the drive?

I try. I really do. I think:
“Today I will get a nap no matter what.”
I carefully instruct and warn (threaten) the older kids: “No fighting! None! A scream will earn you extra chores and you know how bad you hate cleaning the fridge when there’s gunky stuff in there! NO teasing! Actually, you two don’t even talk to each other! On second thought – you all go outside and don’t come back in till I say you can!”
“What If we’re hungry or thirsty?”
“Drink from the creek – pretend you’re pioneers, OK? And you won’t starve in 1 hour, I promise… now go.”
I then carefully get the baby asleep and immediately lie down myself. Its quiet. Peaceful. I will put all thoughts of empty socks drawers and crunchy floors out of my head. We can go barefoot tomorrow. It won’t be fun – with the crunchy floors an all – but I am getting a nap!

I am drifting off to sleep, finally, after several stern self-talks and mental floggings. Then I hear it – screams.
Happy screams. Shouts of laughter and joyful calling to one another, but right outside my bedroom window! I sigh and stick my head under my pillow. That does next to nothing for the volume level. I decide I can sleep through it, and will myself to ignore it and focus on the bird songs and whirring of the bathroom fan that I left running to drown out kid-noises.

Except it doesn’t. Nothing drowns out those happy shouts from 10 feet away. I grin a little, and roll out of bed. Sitting there on the edge of the bed I say aloud:
“I give up. I just give up.” And I stand up and walk to my waiting laundry.
“Sleep is not that important”, I tell myself, soothingly. “You can sleep all you want when the kids are gone.”
I know that’s probably not true – but visions of long, uninterrupted nights in my (very distant) future gives me the umph to go on putting one foot in front of another, sorting laundry and sweeping up kitchen floor crunch. I yawn a few times, and whisper pleadings for strength and grace for the rest of this day. To be happy and patient. To love unconditionally and relentlessly. To have a calm and sweet voice and not bark at my family. Because God has been so good and gracious to me – how can I be less to His children? He does, you know. He does give me grace and patience. Love upon love. And joy. True joy that tiredness can’t quench.
But I have to stay nestled in His arms, covered with His grace, and bathed in little prayers throughout my day. Church and friends and good books and long naps won’t get me through. Only my Father God and His power.

The myth of sleeping when baby sleeps.

We love each other! :)

Note: I don’t recommend having your kids drink from a creek. Especially where 800 head of cows also have access to it, if you know what I mean. They will probably get cooties and leeches and all sorts of gross things. Yuck. Please send a bottle of water out for them to drink. 😉 

Hello again, Spring!

Spring! Ah, what a lovely season! I won’t say it is my favorite, anymore, because on the high prairies of Wyoming – spring is still quite chilly most days. But I surely do love the idea of spring! All the new babies in the meadows – skipping and dashing around their mamas, the fresh, thin mist of green springing up in the hay meadows, the flocks of blackbirds filling the air with their chattering… oh yes, spring is indeed a wonderful time of year!

spring calfspring

After 2 months of night shift, my man has finally returned to a normal day schedule. I am so happy about that! Night shift was actually less work for him, so in that way it was good, but I really didn’t enjoy being on an opposite schedule from him. Especially since I homeschool 3 kids and have 2 little ones here too. It definitely took some creativeness to keep everyone reasonably quiet, but it was good experience for me. I can now sympathize much more with others in that situation. :)

Goofy Reata!

Goofy Reata!

Reading with her cousin.

Reading with her cousin.

We had a real warm spell a few weeks ago, and I took advantage of it by getting in some walks. My foster baby is 4 months old, and HATES the wind in his face, so I was tickled to find a secondhand stroller with a wind-guard! Helps a ton to keep him happy and warm.
He is such a good baby. Of course he has his moments, like the carseat! He isn’t a big fan of that. And he decided to disown his pacifier, which does NOT make me happy! I love when I can stick a paci in their mouth on a car ride, or at church, or to go to sleep. But nope. No amount of coaxing will make hm take it anymore. spring

Last week the snow and colder temps returned, along with another round of cold virus in the house. But God is still good and on the throne, so I have no complaints!
I have been trying to get back into a better rhythm of Bible study again, now that I’m settling into life with a baby. I find that keeping a Bible laying beside my chair is the best way for me. I used to think: “Oh, I have the Bible app on my phone, I’ll just use that.”
But the fact is – the Bible app is the slowest app to load. I mean, who wants to wait 2 minutes for the app to load, when Instagram loads in .5 seconds?! Seriously, folks, this is what happens. But I won’t accept that. I must get in my reading daily, or I don’t grow. I don’t thrive. I start going backwards immediately. The Word of God is powerful. We say that – but do we believe it? It really is powerful!!! It gives me direction, instruction, courage, and strength for daily life.

So, that recliner where I sit all the time to feed the baby – that is ‘my’ chair. I have an older Bible laying within arms’ reach. I chose an older Bible, because I don’t want to worry if it gets coffee spilled on it, or if my toddler decides to scribble in it. I keep my precious Christmas-gift-from-my-husband Bible elsewhere. I pick it up and read a verse or two or a couple chapters when I have a few minutes. It’s amazing how much you can get read in a day if you make it a priority! :) I bet you have ‘your’ chair somewhere too. Maybe you can find a Bible that you can lay within arms’ reach and start feeding on God’s Word daily. It will change your life, if you let it. :) If you are afraid of kids or pets messing up your nice Bibles, then you can go to the Dollar Tree and get one for $1.00. I bet you can manage that. 😉 and then no worries. Just read it. Use it. Mark in it. But read it.

Cliff reading at the breakfast table.

Cliff reading at the breakfast table.

God’s Faithfulness.

God's faithfulnessIn the early years of my walk with God, I didn’t realize the great blessing I had in God’s faithfulness. I knew of my sinfulness, and of His forgiveness. But it was several years before I understood what a blessing His faithfulness was in my life.

You see, I hate half-baked goals. I am the queen of half-baked goals! I start things and don’t finish – all the time! It is the second most irritating personality trait I find in myself.* So when I  decided to follow Jesus, I set my compass on Heaven, my feet on the Word of God, and anchored my soul in the love of Christ. I said:  “I will do this right or not at all. I am not going to be a ‘church on Sunday, cuss on Monday’ kind of Christian. I am all in!”

Now, obviously, I have fallen short of the grace of God too often. I have sinned and repented more than I would like to remember. It grieves my heart that I have helped hammer those nails into the hands of my Savior. But Praise God! There is forgiveness for my sin and a new beginning in Christ!

God my Father shows His faithfulness to me by showing me my sinful habits and other unChristlike actions and attitudes. Conviction from the Holy Spirit is such a great blessing. It allows me to see where I need to repent and change. Then I can become more like Christ. It seems unpleasant to my flesh – my ‘self’, but it makes my spirit rejoice, because I know that God cares about me.

Last week one of my kids brought me one of those silica packets that are found in packages to keep things dry and fresh. (It had fallen out of my daughter’s new boot box) She held it out to me, and asked what it was. I told her to take it straight to the trash – it s poisonous and could make her or her little sister very sick! I didn’t let her play with it just because she thought it was a cool item. I wasn’t afraid of hurting her feelings, I was afraid of ruining her health! Any loving parent would protect their child from harm, by pointing out something harmful the child wants to do.

In the same way, we can be thankful that our Father shows us things we are doing that are harmful for us, spiritually. He is completely faithful to show us areas where we are sinning, things we need to change. If He didn’t love us, He would say: “fine, you want to be selfish and unkind, you don’t care about your words, ok, go ahead and do what you want.” But He doesn’t let us harm ourselves – He shows us when we are doing something that will kill us spiritually. If we are born again and walking with Him, we are part of the family of God.  He is our Father. He wants the best for us – His children. He wants us to gain victory over sin and live in joyful peace. So He shows us over and over when we need to change. That is His kindness.

Let’s thank Him for His faithfulness to us each day. Let’s walk in the light and be sensitive to His voice guiding us. If He shows us an area where we are wrong, let’s repent and confess immediately, and turn to Him. If we follow one step at a time, we can gain victory over sin, and His Spirit will not leave us.

*My number one most frustrating personality trait is the fact that I naturally talk before I think. While this is not wrong in itself, I have sinned often with my tongue because of it. Personality is no excuse for sin, and it is an area the Lord has been teaching me control over.