“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”
― Abraham Lincoln
Sometimes, I see women who are so sour and long-faced that I wonder how anyone can live with them! Do they blame their husbands, I wonder? Do they blame their marriage for holding them back, or placing demands on them? I don’t know the answer, but I do know this: happiness is a choice.
I hear wives grumble about husbands not doing enough with the kids, not remembering something their wife wanted, not taking off work enough… you name it. I understand. I have been there, sadly. I have had days where I blamed my man for my unhappiness. If he would just do so-and-so, I would be happy! But it isn’t true. We can have the best husband, and still find fault and complain. I know, because I have a pretty amazing husband, and I have complained.
I remember very clearly the day I was driving home with our two small kids, and I was mentally ‘telling him off’. My husband was working on the new house we were building… I can’t remember what I was ticked off about — but I do remember being very upset with him. And you know how it goes; one thing makes us upset, pretty soon it leads to: “He doesn’t really care about me at all! If he really cared, he’d change!”
Well, as I drove down that dusty back road in Missouri, God spoke to me. I don’t say that lightly, either. There have been several times in my life when God has put His finger right on the root of the problem, and told me to change. And boy-howdy, when God tells you to change — you change! He told me that this is how it starts – the bad marriages – by getting upset about little things (and most stuff is little), and allowing myself to brood, argue, or nag. To keep account of every wrong he does. I felt the rebuke in my spirit: “Stop it now, nip it in the bud before you end up like so many other ruined couples. You have only been married 5 years – it will be a long lifetime of misery if you continue down this path. It doesn’t matter if you are wrong or he is wrong – love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
- This is why I advocate for soaking in Scripture daily. If you put it in your heart, it will bubble to the surface when you need it.
- 12 years later and I cannot remember what the issue was. But at the time, I know it seemed huge. When things seem huge, ask yourself “will this matter in 100 years?” (we think our memory will last our lifetime, even though it clearly doesn’t! But in 100 years you will be dead. So will it matter then?)
I know that in many cases, there are real, difficult problems. But, I believe that by the power of Christ, you can be happy in the middle of your trials. Acting and looking like a martyr is not attractive, by the way. If you are in a hard situation, you must begin with prayer and reading God’s word. Ask for wisdom and He will give it! If you feel stuck, find a trusted mentor – NOT a family member if you can help it! Find a Godly married woman who is trustworthy, and ask her advice.
-If your husband is terrible with money, you can choose to be happy that God who cares about every sparrow that falls, will also care for you.
-If your man speaks unkindly to you, you can choose to be happy that Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
-When he pays no attention to the kids, or refuses to be a dad, you can choose to be happy that God is a father to the fatherless.
-When he makes poor life decisions, you can choose to be happy that God makes all things work together for your good.
Yes, many of these things need to be worked out with each other, or maybe you need outside help. But in every situation you can choose to be happy in the Lord, because we have every need supplied through Christ Jesus. Even our emotional needs!
“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.”
― Martha Washington
Speaking of emotions, can I put a little note in here for hormones? They are not an excuse for anything. I get so weary of women whining about pms. Yes it is real, it is hard, and it can be debilitating. Do you truly believe the Scripture that says:
And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philipians 4:19
This Scripture is glibly quoted — but most women act like it has a clause in there for ‘women’s delicate emotions’. News flash: it doesn’t. Do you need grace for those days every month? He will give it! Believe His Word! I know men don’t have this problem, I know that many of them brush it off without trying to understand, but Jesus doesn’t. He understands, He cares, and He will help you. (He created you, remember? I guess he understands the thing He created!) And can I please, please stop hearing about your pms every month?? If I, as a woman, get sick and tired of hearing about it, I can understand that men get tired of it too! 😀
“Happiness does not depend on outward circumstances, but on the state of the heart.” J.C. Ryle