Where do I start? I have so many thoughts on marriage. I think it is shameful that marriages end so easily and quickly. I think it is more harmful to people than they realize. I think if we put half the energy and passion into our marriage as we do into sports, politics, exercise, healthy living, business ventures, or many other things – then most of the marriage problems would be solved instantly.
You say: “But he is a jerk! I am not going to waste my life with someone who doesn’t value me and my interests!”
Really! But why do you expect him to be there for you in your ugly days, and yet not be willing to walk with him through his? You really think the problem is him? It may be. Men everywhere are emasculated and beaten down for even possibly, maybe, perhaps saying something sexist. Why should they dare treat you like a special person? —You may accuse them of being sexist! Why should they be tender and caring when you are determined to be self-sufficient and independent? You can’t have it both ways.
Men, as a whole, are more than willing to treat their ladies right. To be caring and loving and tender and protective. Do they forget? Yes. (haven’t you forgotten sometimes?) Do they need gentle reminders of things, occasionally? Yes. (don’t you?) Are they perfect? No. (are you?)
I really, truly believe that women have such an influence on the marriage, that a gentle, loving wife can win the most hardened of hearts. Yes, she may have to endure the selfish, laziness of a husband for several (many?) years. But imagine with me, if you will, a marriage where the wife never gives up on her husband. Where she believes in him and treats him like a King. (yes, I said that!) Where she adores him and overlooks faults. Where she puts herself in his shoes and treats him the way she would like to be treated.
Can you imagine how that man would begin to love her and cherish her?
OK, maybe some guys would always be jerks. How do you know if yours is one of those if you give up after 4 or 5 years? You’re scarcely getting started! I tell you – a good marriage is worth fighting for. And by fighting, I mean dying to self. Laying down your notion of how it should be, and learning to make the best possible of what you’ve been given.
Imagine if you were diagnosed with cancer. The Dr doesn’t know how long you will fight it – or if you will even ever completely recover. Your life ahead is unknown. You have three choices:
1. Kill yourself, (like Brittany Maynard did)
2. Live in a morbid state of depression, or
3. Choose to live the best possible life you can – with what you’ve been given.
Seriously? I think most of us will choose number three. Because we love our own selves quite a bit. In a battle, soldiers willingly lay down their life for their brothers-in-arms. How much more should we be willing to lay down our life for our husband, our marriage, and our kids?
Choose life in your marriage today, my friend. Do what it takes. Put some passion into it. Find someone who values marriage and learn from them. Stop thinking that your life is more important than his, and start treating him the way you would like to be treated. Stop waiting for him to make the first move – forgive even when he doesn’t ask for it. Hold no grudges. Don’t allow the hard places in life steal him away from you. Fight for him. Be on his side. Love him tremendously.
~Celebrating 14 years of marriage to My Cowboy today~